Is my childhood trauma really affecting me as an adult?
- Grace Putz
- Jun 2
- 4 min read
“I’ve made it. I’m successful. I’ve moved past all that shit.”
Is that so?
Many people feel as if they’ve moved on from difficult experiences during their formative years but when we dig deep, we find out how profoundly we’ve been affected and shaped by life experiences. That aversion to vanilla perfume because it reminds you of someone you’d rather not remember or that poignant sadness that hits you like a ton of bricks when you drive down a certain street or have a memory pop up in your photo gallery.
Why does childhood trauma affect us in adulthood?
Childhood trauma affects us into adulthood for many reasons but mostly to keep us alive. When you are a child, you are tentatively learning about the world for the first time – exploring your neighborhood with friends, rebelling against your parents, feeling the magic of the world, fighting with your siblings, going to your first big dance, developing responsibilities and burdens, having your first kiss, managing friendships and breakups, learning to be your own person. Some of these experiences are incredibly positive and many are incredibly difficult. Being a human is difficult. Navigating the world is difficult. When bad things happen to us as children, our brain is designed to reduce pain and keep us alive. Our brain is going to do its best to predict why bad things happen so we can avoid them at all costs. Sometimes we realize this is happening and other times, it’s much more covert. Think of a child whose parents were extremely critical and put a lot of pressure on organization and academic achievement. As that child grows up, they are going to realize they can predict the criticism of their parents to some degree. They are going to put a lot of pressure on themselves as well to be high-achieving, to get the good grades, to be in all the clubs, to be successful – to be perfect. And for a while, it’s going to serve them well. They will avoid criticism and be praised by their parents, their teachers, the colleges to which they apply, to their bosses, etc. But it will all catch up eventually after you graduate and get the big promotion. The “so what’s next” slams into you like a train. You don’t know what’s next. You don’t know how to exist without achievement and a bigger goal, a bigger picture. The imposter syndrome will kick in, the anxiety will ramp up, and that feeling, the one that is a pit in your stomach telling you that you did something wrong will be in full force. You won’t be able to understand because you did all the right things. You worked hard, you achieved, you accomplished.
Why don’t you feel okay?
That’s the body keeping score.
It doesn’t know how to relax and just be. You’ve been going and going and going and now you’ve reached the destination but your body doesn’t know how to settle without preparing for the next big thing. The scorecard up until now has required you to achieve, accomplish, and repeat.
Your brain and body began functioning this way so that you could feel loved and belonging in your household and survive into adulthood. From an evolutionary perspective, your brain doesn’t know the difference between the restriction of parental love and affection and a tiger. It’s doing what it believes you need to make it out there in the big bad world.
How Do I Know If I Have Childhood “Trauma”?
This is a very important question. We all have parts of our child that were not the most happy and feel really dark. As a trauma therapist, I don’t make a habit of categorizing or creating a hierarchy for negative experiences. If something felt horrible and scary to you, it was traumatic even if it wasn’t going to war or being abused. With that being said, I’m going to share a couple signs that your childhood may have impacted you:
Thought Patterns that tell me your childhood impacted you:
“I don’t want to ask for help or burden anyone”
“If I ask for help, they will think I’m dumb or hold it against me”
Being really good at predicting the patterns of yourself and others
Thinking about your feelings rather than feeling them or sharing them (aka intellectualizing)
Not letting yourself go there and think about dark things
Behavioral Patterns that tell me your childhood impacted you:
Enjoying people watching
Avoiding things you know you’re not good at
Refusing to ask for help/figuring it out on your own OR needing help with everything
Being extremely hyper-independent OR conversely extremely codependent
Being persistently self-deprecating either in your head or out loud
Emotional Patterns that tell me your childhood impacted you:
Having difficulty “trusting your gut”
Worrying that people will always leave/not trusting others fully
Feeling like something is off or missing
Having significant mood swings - euphoric highs and devastating lows
Denying your emotional experiences exist
Relational Patterns that tell me your childhood impacted you:
Jumping into relationships and progressing really quickly OR difficulty entering relationships
People-pleasing
Feeling as if you have to put on a show or a mask with others
Constantly worrying about how you are going to be perceived
You get taken advantage of OR take advantage of people without realizing it
When Therapy Can Help
Looking for therapy for PTSD or trauma in Baltimore? Therapy helps when we have difficulty slowing down and taking a breather or we are so numbed out that we let everything slide. Therapy with the right therapist helps you find peace with that part of you that experienced something really difficult and fragmented – stuck in the hurt or danger of the past. Therapy helps you calm your mind and find a way forward. It acknowledges your body as the scorecard and helps it lessen the need to keep score constantly.
About My Therapy Practice
At Campsen Wellness, we help clients find a balance between acknowledging past experiences and moving forward knowing how they shaped you. We want you to find you to find peace, gain insight, and improve your well-being. Reach out today for in-person sessions in Lutherville-Timonium or virtually across the state of Maryland.
You can check out my other blogs or schedule a consultation call with me here!
