Cancel Culture Isn't Trauma-Informed: A Trauma Therapist's Perspective on Accountability, Healing, and Human Connection
By a Trauma Therapist in Baltimore, MD
I've noticed a growing theme among many clients: people are afraid. They're afraid of saying the wrong thing. Afraid of making a mistake. Afraid of putting themselves out there. Afraid of being misunderstood. Afraid that one bad moment could define them forever.
While accountability is an important part of healthy communities, it’s important to consider whether our current societal approach of addressing mistakes and harm is actually helping us or becoming even more harmful? From a trauma perspective, this is an important conversation to have.
Let's start with an important distinction. This article is not an argument against accountability. It is not an excuse for racism, sexism, homophobia, bullying, abuse, harassment, discrimination, or other harmful behavior. People should be held accountable for the impact of their actions. Communities need standards; boundaries and consequences matter because accountability is essential for healthy relationships and healthy societies.The question isn't whether people should be accountable.The question is whether public shaming, social exile, and permanent condemnation are the most effective ways to create change.
What Does It Mean to Be Trauma-Informed?
A trauma-informed perspective recognizes that human behavior does not happen in a vacuum. Trauma-informed care asks questions such as:
What experiences have shaped this person?
What factors contributed to this behavior?
From what lens do they see accountability?
How do they value personal responsibility and emotional safety?
What creates opportunities for growth and repair?
How do we reduce harm moving forward?
Trauma-informed communication and community standards focus on understanding, accountability, education, safety, and healing. They do not excuse harmful behavior. But they also recognize that shame, humiliation, and exclusion are rarely the most effective teachers.
Humans Are Wired for Connection
One of the most fundamental truths in psychology is that human beings need connection. Our nervous systems, sense of identity, and sense of the world develop through relationships (or lack there of). Many of our deepest wounds occur in relationships. And many of our deepest healing experiences occur in relationships as well.
When people are publicly rejected, ostracized, or socially exiled, something powerful happens inside the nervous system. The brain often interprets social rejection as a physical threat to survival. For many individuals, especially those with histories of trauma, bullying, emotional neglect, family dysfunction, or relational abuse, social exclusion can activate intense feelings of shame, panic, fear, and worthlessness. This doesn't mean accountability should disappear. It means we should understand the psychological impact of how accountability is delivered.
Shame Doesn't Create Lasting Change
Many people assume that if someone feels bad enough, they'll become a better person. But trauma research and psychological research suggest that shame often has the opposite effect. When people become overwhelmed with shame, they are more likely to:
Become defensive
Shut down
Avoid responsibility
Withdraw from relationships
Double down on harmful beliefs
Experience anxiety and depression
Shame tells a person: "You are bad." Accountability says: "Your behavior caused harm."
Those are very different messages. One attacks a person's humanity. The other addresses their actions. Trauma-informed approaches focus on behavior while preserving dignity and our shared humanness.
The Missing Piece: Repair
One of the biggest problems with cancel culture is that it often skips over repair. Repair is the process of acknowledging harm, taking responsibility, listening to impact, making changes, and rebuilding trust over time. Repair is not easy. It requires humility, discomfort, and accountability. But repair is also one of the most important skills human beings can learn. Every healthy relationship experiences rupture.
Parents hurt their children's feelings, partners disappoint one another, friends make mistakes, coworkers miss the mark, and even therapists occasionally misunderstand clients and must engage in repair. Healthy relationships are not relationships without conflict.
They are relationships where people learn how to navigate conflict. When we eliminate opportunities for repair, we eliminate opportunities for growth and create further division and disconnect.
How Cancel Culture Contributes to Anxiety and Disconnection
Many people today feel as though they are constantly being evaluated.
Every post, every comment, every opinion, every mistake. As a result, many individuals begin operating from fear rather than connection. People become hypervigilant, begin to overanalyze their interactions, self-censor excessively, avoid difficult conversations, and withdraw from authentic relationships.
From a trauma perspective, this can resemble a nervous system that is constantly scanning for danger. Instead of fostering understanding, fear often creates distance. Instead of encouraging dialogue, fear encourages silence. Instead of creating connection, fear creates isolation.
Ironically, many people report feeling lonelier and more disconnected than ever before despite living in a world that is more digitally connected than any previous generation.
Trauma-Informed Accountability Looks Different
A trauma-informed approach does not ignore harm. It addresses harm directly while asking:
How can we maintain accountability while preserving humanity?
How can we encourage learning instead of humiliation or shame?
How can we create opportunities for growth?
How can we make communities safer without relying solely on exclusion?
How can we show up when we’ve hurt and/or been hurt?
Trauma-informed accountability recognizes that people are capable of both causing harm and changing. It recognizes that people are imperfect and growth as a messy, nonlinear process. And it recognizes that sustainable change usually happens through connection, not condemnation.
Alternatives to Canceling People
When appropriate and safe, there are often alternatives that create greater opportunities for learning and accountability.
These may include:
Direct Conversations - Address concerns privately and specifically when possible.
Setting Clear Boundaries - Boundaries communicate what behavior is and isn't acceptable without attacking a person's worth.
Calling People In - Rather than immediately calling people out, invite them into a conversation about impact, education, and growth. Invite them to explore their perspective and be curious about other perspectives.
Encouraging Repair - Allow space for sincere apologies, accountability, changed behavior, and rebuilding trust.
Focusing on Behavior Rather Than Identity - Criticize harmful actions without reducing an entire person to their worst moment.
Leaving Room for Growth - Recognize that people can learn, evolve, and do better.
Let Yourself Have Hope - We can get stuck in a cycle of thinking everyone has bad motives. Remember that most people are good and are trying their best even when they screw up.
The goal should never be to tolerate harmful behavior but to create communities that are both accountable and compassionate. We need to focus on safety, responsibility, connection and repair to have healthier relationships, healthier communities, and better individual mental health. The healing that comes from gently challenging one another, opening yourself up to feedback, being open to growth, and self-reflecting is key to accountability.
How Trauma Therapy Can Help
Many people struggling with anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, fear of rejection, shame, or social disconnection discover that these experiences are rooted in earlier relational wounds.
Trauma therapy can help individuals understand their nervous system responses, process difficult experiences, develop healthier boundaries, and build more secure relationships
with themselves and others.
Whether you're navigating childhood trauma, relational trauma, attachment wounds, chronic anxiety, or the emotional impact of social rejection, therapy can provide a path toward healing and greater connection.
Trauma Therapy in Baltimore, MD
At Campsen Wellness, we provide compassionate, trauma-informed counseling for teens, young adults, and adults throughout the Baltimore area.
Our approach helps clients understand how past experiences shape present patterns while developing practical tools for healing, resilience, and meaningful connection.
If you're looking for trauma therapy in Baltimore, we'd be honored to support you. Contact our practice today to learn more about our services and schedule a consultation.
