Are You Overwhelmed by the Holidays? Holiday Stress and Overscheduling Your Family | Teen Therapy Baltimore
Your teenager does not need to be in every club, every sport, every theater production, and at every holiday event. Neither do you.
It's the most wonderful time of the year. Which means the school concerts, the holiday parties, the team banquets, the neighborhood cookie exchange, the work parties, the family gatherings, the Christmas tree farm, the school fundraiser, and the never ending list in January 1 hits. And somehow your teenager is also supposed to finish their homework, sleep eight hours, maintain their grades, practice their instrument, attend every practice, and remember to bring the white elephant gift. AND somehow, you are supposed to make sure that all gets done and have time to do the same for yourself. At some point, you are asking yourself, is this really fun anymore?
More Isn't Always More
We have become accustomed to treating busy-ness as evidence that we're doing life correctly.
For teenagers, that looks like being involved in multiple sports, clubs, leadership activities, theater, volunteering, academic programs, and social events.
For parents, it looks like trying to make every experience magical while simultaneously keeping everyone fed, transported, emotionally regulated, and vaguely happy.
And during the holidays, all of that gets dialed up. But take care to remember that your family doesn't have to participate in everything. Your teen doesn't have to be in every club, sport, and production. And you don't have to attend every invitation you're given.
Instead of starting with:
"What are we supposed to do?"
Try asking:
"What do we actually enjoy?"
Sit down as a family and think about what traditions everyone appreciates and enjoys. You don’t have to be the magic maker that is up until 1am every night during the holiday season making sure everything is perfect. It is more important that you are well-rested enough to be present and enjoy traditions with your family rather than being at every little event or engaging in every tradition.
Maybe your teenager genuinely loves theater and doesn't care about basketball. Maybe they love their soccer team but hate attending large family gatherings. Maybe your family loves decorating the tree but doesn't care about seeing every holiday light display in the region.
Watch for Signs That You or Your Teen Are Overloaded
Sometimes we don’t recognize overwhelm until burnout feels inevitable. Notice what’s going on with you and with your family. Pay attention if you notice:
Increased irritability
Frequent headaches or stomachaches
Difficulty sleeping
Constant exhaustion
Increased anxiety
More emotional outbursts
Difficulty concentrating
Losing interest in activities they normally enjoy
Avoiding social events
Frequent conflict at home
Feeling behind or unable to “keep up”
One difficult day doesn't necessarily mean you all are overbooked, but a consistent pattern of exhaustion with one or more family members is worth paying attention to.
Your Teen May Not Need Another Activity
Sometimes adults assume that if a teenager is struggling, the answer is to get them involved in something.
"Try a sport."
"Join a club."
"Get a job."
"Make more friends."
"Get out of the house."
But sometimes the healthiest thing for an overwhelmed teenager is less. Less driving. Less scheduling. Less performance. Less comparison. Less pressure. More sleep. More downtime. More unstructured time. More room to figure out what they actually enjoy (and what will make them less irritable).
Teenagers don't need every minute scheduled. Some of the most important developmental work happens when young people have room to be bored. To daydream and wander around the house. To listen to music or text with a friend. To go for a walk or to be creative. We don't have to turn every free hour into an opportunity for enrichment. Sometimes rest is the enrichment and best for teaching them how to recognize and prioritize their needs as adulthood quickly approaches.
Shift From Kid-Focused to Family-Focused
You are allowed to say no as a parent.
You don't have to create the perfect holiday or attend every gathering either. You don’t have to make every family member happy or buy the most perfect gifts. Meals don’t have to be made from scratch and you don’t have to prove your love by burning yourself out. If your calendar makes you want to cry every time you open it, that might be useful information. It might be telling you to slow down and let some things go. To take a little time for yourself.
Try the Three Things Rule:
If your family is overwhelmed, try choosing just three things that matter most this season. Maybe it's:
Decorating the house
Going to Grandma's
Watching your favorite holiday movie together
Everything else becomes optional. Not forbidden. Not bad. Just optional. This can help families distinguish between tradition and obligation.
When Stress Becomes More Than Holiday Overwhelm & Your Teen May Need Therapy
If your teen's anxiety, irritability, withdrawal, exhaustion, or emotional struggles continue beyond the holiday season, it may be worth seeking additional support.
Therapy for teens in Baltimore can provide adolescents with a space to talk about stress, anxiety, friendships, family expectations, academic pressure, identity, and the many demands of adolescence.
At Campsen Wellness, I work with tweens and teens throughout Baltimore County and the greater Baltimore area, including families looking for a therapist for teens in Baltimore.
Sometimes the most helpful thing we can give a teenager isn't another activity. It's permission to breathe. And maybe a calendar with a few empty squares.
