Remembering Them: Meaningful Ways to Memorialize a Loved One Lost to Suicide

Grief after suicide is complicated and seemingly endless. You feel the immense sadness, the fiery anger, the terrifying bleakness, the overpowering guilt, and the daunting hopelessness. Some days feel lighter and you can breathe without the weight on your chest, other days feel devastatingly heavy. 

There is no “good” or “right” way to experience it. It’s just there, walking alongside you always. 

You replay conversations and wonder what you could have missed. You wish you had known the “right” thing to say and if you could have done something differently. You wonder if they would regret the decision if they were still here. You hope and pray that they are now in a better place and feel no more pain. 

Sometimes one of the most painful parts of losing someone to suicide is their death overshadowing their life. People become afraid of saying their name. They avoid talking about them because they don’t want you to hurt. Their story is reduced to their death rather than the amazing person they were. They were (and still are) a collection of beautiful memories, relationships, quirks, dreams, inside jokes, favorite songs, mistakes, accomplishments, and experiences.

Memorializing someone can be one way to continue carrying their life forward; not because grief has an expiration date or it’s going to lessen the pain but because love does not end when someone dies. Your love for them will remain whether they exist here or not, and memorializing them in whatever way feels fitting to you can help you hold onto the beauty of who they were.

Here are a few meaningful ways to honor someone you have lost to suicide.

Say Their Name

Sometimes the simplest thing is also the hardest. Say their name, talk about them, tell stories about who they were, remember the funny things they said and the things they loved.

When someone dies by suicide, families sometimes feel pressure to avoid discussing the death or the person altogether. While everyone deserves privacy and each family gets to decide what feels appropriate, silence does not have to be the only way forward. It can be incredibly difficult but also incredibly healing to talk about them, to laugh about them, and to openly cry about them. 

Create Something in Their Honor or Continue Something They Loved

Creative expression can provide a place for grief to go. You might create:

• A scrapbook or memory book

• A piece of artwork

• A playlist of songs that remind you of them

• A garden or planted tree

• A piece of jewelry containing their handwriting or another meaningful symbol

• A collection of letters written to them

• A photo album shared with family and friends

What brought your loved one joy? Maybe they loved animals, music, sports, cooking, reading, traveling, or spending time outdoors. Finding small ways to continue something meaningful to them can create a sense of connection. This might look like volunteering at an animal shelter because they loved dogs. Planting flowers because they loved gardening. Supporting a local sports team they never missed watching. Cooking their favorite meal for friends. Reading a book they once recommended. These acts don't have to be grand. Sometimes remembering someone looks like ordering their favorite coffee on a difficult day.

There is no requirement for memorialization to be public and it can be whatever you want it to be. Sometimes creating something just for yourself can be equally meaningful. There’s no right or wrong way to express that you loved someone deeply and you want to remember them. 

Acknowledge Birthdays and Important Dates

Anniversaries are difficult. Birthdays, holidays, the anniversary of their death, and other significant dates will bring grief back to the surface. The first few years, you may have to just sit with the pain of the day and continue grieving. And often, "celebrating" sounds like a foreign word on these days. How can you celebrate with such grief? I find acknowledging to be more fitting term for the notable days.

With time, you can find comfort in intentionally creating rituals around them. Visit a place they loved. Light a candle. Watch their favorite movie. Donate to a cause they cared about. Gather with people who loved them and share stories.

The goal isn't to force celebration when you feel sad. It is to remember the complex and beautiful human that they were. To acknowledge that they mattered in life and they still matter in death. To know that even if they couldn’t feel it in their lifetime, they were loved then and they are still very much loved now. 

Allow Their Story a Place to Exist

There can be a complicated relationship between honoring someone and discussing their passing. You do not have to hide the truth about how someone died in order to protect their memory. At the same time, you also don't owe anyone details. You get to decide how their story is shared. For some people, participating in suicide prevention advocacy or fundraising can feel deeply meaningful. For others, keeping their loved one's memory private feels more healing. Neither is wrong. Memorialization should serve your grieving process, not the expectations of other people. Some people find comfort in turning grief into action. Talking about their story and giving it a platform does not erase the grief, but sometimes it allows us to continue creating something meaningful from a relationship that mattered deeply.

Give Yourself Permission to Remember the Complicated Parts Too

Memorializing someone doesn't mean pretending they were perfect. Grief can become especially complicated after suicide. You can miss someone and still be angry with them. You can feel guilty about “not catching something” and self-righteous that they left you. You can love someone so deeply in your bones and acknowledge that they caused lifelong pain. You can remember beautiful moments while also remembering difficult ones. Grieving does not require rewriting the relationship, more so making space for the whole truth.

There is often pressure to “move on” after someone dies. Life moves on and we feel stuck in the past. It happens quickly. One week, you’re sitting in a pew or next a hospital bed and the next moment, they’re gone. One month, everyone is sending thoughts and prayers, cooking you dishes, and checking in and the next, it’s too quiet. 

Grief is not something we complete or ever get to check off our to-do lists. Over time, it changes shape. The intensity may shift. You may learn how to carry the loss differently, but remembering someone years later does not mean you are stuck. Missing someone does not mean you are broken. Creating a memorial, continuing a tradition, or speaking their name is not refusing to let go.

It is an acknowledgment that they were here. They were real. They mattered. And they are still dearly loved.

With that acknowledgement, please also take time to remember that their death was not your fault. You may have questions that cannot be answered and regrets that cannot be undone. You may have days where you get stuck in the “what could have been” or the surrealness of it all. Those feelings are common in grief, but they do not mean you were responsible for another person's pain or choices. You deserve space to grieve the person you lost and you deserve to find some solace despite the weight of losing them.

I personally hate the phrase “time heals all” but I do believe time provides distance and often a little clarity. A way to manage the pain and memorialize them in the ways you both deserve. Give yourself time and allow yourself to remember them for all of the complexities of who they were while finding ways to honor them as you continue to live on.