The Self-Care Epidemic: What If We Don't Need Another Bubble Bath? | A Perspective on Community from Campsen Wellness
Why individual self-care isn't always the answer and why community, connection, and relationships matter for our mental health
We have officially reached peak self-care.
Take a bath.
Light a candle.
Buy the expensive skincare.
Go to Pilates.
Drink your greens.
Delete Instagram.
Journal.
Meditate.
Wake up at 5 a.m.
And, whatever you do, remember to fill your own cup.
There is nothing inherently wrong with any of these things. But somewhere along the way, self-care became less about caring for ourselves and more about becoming responsible for fixing ourselves and maintaining individuality at the expense of community and connection.
Feeling lonely? Try a morning routine.
Burned out? Take a bath.
Overwhelmed? Download a meditation app.
Struggling with your relationships? Set a boundary or cut someone off.
And while these things can genuinely help, there is a bigger question we don't always ask:
What if the problem isn't that you aren't taking enough care of yourself? What if you're exhausted because you're carrying too much by yourself?
We Have Turned a Community Problem Into an
Individual Assignment
There is a strange contradiction in modern wellness culture. We talk constantly about mental health, but many people are increasingly isolated. We tell people to prioritize themselves while they are also navigating work, parenting, caregiving, relationships, financial stress, social pressure, and increasingly busy lives.
Then we hand them a checklist of self-care activities and essentially say: "Good luck!"
But humans aren't designed to meet every emotional need alone. We need connection. We need friendship. We need family. We need neighbors. We need people who notice when we're having a bad day. We need people who can bring dinner when we're overwhelmed. We need someone to sit on the porch with us. We need laughter. We need shared experiences.
We need community.
Self-Care Isn't the Same as Self-Sufficiency
This distinction matters. Self-care says: "My needs matter."
Self-sufficiency can sometimes become: "I shouldn't need anyone."
Those are very different messages. For people who have learned to be the responsible one, the independent one, or the person who takes care of everyone else, self-care can accidentally become another performance of independence.
Instead of asking for help, we buy another planner. Instead of telling someone we're lonely, we order DoorDash home alone. Instead of admitting we're overwhelmed, we optimize our morning routine. Again, none of those things are bad. But sometimes what we actually need is another person.
The Emotional Labor Problem
This becomes particularly relevant in familial and romantic relationships. Many women grow up learning that being a "good" daughter, mother, partner, or friend means anticipating everyone else's needs.
Who needs what?
Who is upset?
Who needs reassurance?
Who forgot the appointment?
Who needs a birthday card?
Who isn't talking to whom?
Who needs to be reminded?
Who needs someone to smooth things over?
This invisible work is often called emotional labor, and it can become exhausting. You may find yourself being the person who keeps everyone connected while secretly wondering, "Who is taking care of me?"
Relationships Can Get Caught in the Same Cycle
Relationships can become especially complicated because women often learn relationship patterns from one another. A mother may have learned that her worth comes from taking care of everyone. Her daughter watches. The daughter learns to anticipate needs, avoid conflict, manage emotions, and keep the peace.
Then the daughter grows up and realizes:
"I don't actually know how to have a relationship without feeling responsible for the other person's emotions."
This can show up as difficulty setting boundaries, guilt when saying no, people-pleasing, resentment, or feeling responsible for maintaining closeness. And sometimes both mother and daughter are exhausted but the cycle perpetuates.
Maybe You Don't Need Better Boundaries. Maybe You Need More Support.
Boundaries can be incredibly important. But boundaries shouldn't become another way we tell ourselves that we need to handle everything alone. You can have healthy boundaries and still need people. You can say no to people and still want closeness in relationships. You can stop over-functioning in your family and still value your relationships. You can ask your friends for help. You can let someone care for you. You can say aloud, "I'm not doing great right now." That's not failure. That's a bid for connection.
Community Is Mental Health Care Too
Community doesn't necessarily mean having 25 best friends.
It might look like:
A weekly coffee date with someone you trust
A walking group
A faith or spiritual community
A book club
A neighborhood gathering
Volunteering
A hobby group
Regular family dinners
A friend you can call when things are hard
A therapist
A support group
Sometimes community happens through incredibly ordinary things. The neighbor who waves. The coworker who asks how your weekend was. The friend who brings you coffee. The person who knows your usual order. These small moments remind us that we are part of something larger than ourselves.
What If Self-Care Looked More Like Connection?
Maybe self-care isn't always: "What can I do for myself today?"
Maybe sometimes it's:
"Who can I connect with?"
"Who can I let help me?"
"Where do I feel like I belong?"
"Who can I be completely myself around?"
"What relationships leave me feeling more like myself?"
And sometimes:
"What relationship patterns are making it harder for me to feel connected?"
That last question can be particularly important when you're struggling with a difficult family relationship.
You Don't Have to Do Everything Yourself
Self-care still matters.
Take the bath, go to pilates, put your phone down, buy the fancy lotion but don’t stop there. Call your friend, ask for help, sit with someone, join something, and allow yourself to be known. Because sometimes the thing your nervous system needs isn't another wellness routine. Sometimes it needs another human being.
